How to Handle Separation Anxiety Disorder in Children this Back-to-School

After months of quarantine and homeschooling, it is time for families to prepare their children for the return to the classrooms and avoid separation anxiety.

In Mexico, kids went back to school on August 24, and although many expected to be in the classrooms, learning will continue to be online due to the pandemic. For mothers and fathers, having their children at home can be challenging because many works from home or go back to their offices. Online classes imply that they resume educators’ roles that they assumed in March at the pandemic. Still, this an excellent opportunity to prepare them to deal with the separation anxiety they may experience when returning to the classroom.

Due to the pandemic and the restrictions, boys and girls had spent more time at home with their families, demanding attention and time, even more than before the quarantine began. All this because the little ones seek to cling to what makes them feel safe in this time of change and uncertainty.

Families provide security and comfort, so, naturally, children seek to attach themselves to anything stable to protect themselves in times like the pandemic.

What is separation anxiety disorder?

Steven Meyers, a psychology professor at Roosevelt University in Illinois, USA, says that “clinginess is an instinctual response to perceived threat and anxiety. In evolutionary terms, offspring of all species are more likely to survive if they stay close to their parents for protection when danger is imminent. Children have this encoded into their biology, and it can be triggered by the stresses and uncertainties of a global pandemic.”

Boys and girls worldwide are experiencing significant changes that break with the socialization they were used to before the pandemic. The absence from classrooms, sports, music classes, extracurricular classes, parties, or any other socializing form is replaced with videoconferencing platforms such as Zoom. Still, these do not offer the same experience of socialization as being in person. Regarding the support and care they receive, their parents all they have now.

“Many children have become more clingy towards their parents [because] they have fewer avenues to socialize with others,” Meyers said. “People provide us all with connection and stimulation, and there are few options when we’re stuck at home.”

Stanford University defines Separation Anxiety Disorder (or SAD) as “a type of mental health problem. A child with SAD worries a lot about being apart from family members or people close to them. The child has a fear of being lost from their family or of something bad occurring to a family member if he or she is not with the person”. It is a normal developmental stage in children under three years old.

In very severe cases, SAD can lead to panic attacks and can even result in children needing a psychiatrist for medication.

Symptoms can include:

• Excessive distress when being away from loved ones or home.

• Recurring thoughts about what would happen if they lost a family member.

• Stress is caused by always thinking that something terrible will happen to them, like getting lost.

• They are not wanting to leave home for fear of being away from their parents.

• Fear of being home alone.

• Refuse to spend the night in any other house if the family does not accompany him.

• Having nightmares about being separated from your family.

• In case you are going to be separated from your parents, for example, because they are going to work, say that you feel bad about making them stay and take care of you.

And this reality exceeds the ages. Young people also feel separation anxiety due to the new normal and the repercussions they may face when going back to a classroom. Stress will manifest itself in students who return to school without socializing outside their homes, possibly becoming more withdrawn when interacting with those he didn’t see during the pandemic.

“Many children have become more attached to their parents [because] they are less able to socialize with others.”

This insecurity can result not only in changes in their expectations but also the facilities to which they will return will not be the same. The physical space to which the students will interact with this back-to-school will be different to meet the sanitary conditions, which make cause new emotions. In that case, it is necessary to be attentive to the signs that they present, because although there will be those who can express it and share it with others without problems, there will also be those who find it challenging to share.

Dr. Abigail Gewirtz, child psychologist and author of “When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids,” advises teachers, mothers, and fathers to pay attention to the reactions that children and young people may have when they return to in-person lessons. “Look out for symptoms, like kids not sleeping well, being tired in the morning or coming into your room in the middle of the night, having nightmares. Some kids may express their anxiety; some don’t. And some get grouchy—that can be a sign.”

Communication: the key to reducing anxiety

Regardless of whether there is a hybrid education, in school, or a fully online school year, families will need to be ready for back to school. Talk to your children over dinner or in spaces where they feel they can best express themselves and make themselves understood about the future of their education. It is also essential to recognize that it may be more difficult for them to get used to it. If you notice that they are anxious about what will happen, prepare strategies to face it in the most understandable way possible.

With fall approaching and a new school year beginning, many parents are beginning to worry about what will happen when their little ones return to face-to-face classes. In itself, the first day of school was already difficult for many children, especially for the little ones, since they do not know the adults
or classmates with whom they will live during the new academic cycle. Going back to school can be scary, but now it can be even more terrifying. Everyone wearing masks, having to follow protective hygiene and safety measures, and seeing corridors full of people after just living with their family for months.

Communication is vital to help them navigate separation anxiety and deal with the attachment they created with their parents during these months. Parents must be open about what may happen. Because the pandemic is a situation beyond everyone’s control, it is impossible to know if a second wave will occur once the children return to class and have to go back to virtual courses. Talking about this scenario’s possibilities will help them know what to expect and help them with their anxiety.

Dr. Abigail Gewirtz cautions that avoiding or ignoring the signs of anxiety can be detrimental in the long run. “The key to understanding anxiety is that when you have something that makes you anxious, avoiding it is very reinforcing,” Gewirtz says, however, “the more you avoid it, the better you will feel [in the moment]. But this means that when you have to face it, it is much more difficult.”

It is essential to offer children a safe place to talk and where they feel validated. If the father or mother notices that the child is prone to anxiety in these conversations, it is essential to talk about how to handle it and what measures can be taken, such as breathing exercises or a stress ball.

Being in constant communication with teachers is also very important. Not only can it help families understand more about the back-to-school process, but it will also help inform teachers if a student is suffering from anxiety so that the educator can pay more attention.

A gradual return to the “new normal”

Another critical point that will help the little ones return to school is to start exposing them little by little to it. Once the virus is dissipating or scientists find a vaccine against COVID-19 and schools begin to open their doors, it is essential to look for ways in which children can re-familiarize themselves with the experience of face-to-face teaching.

Through virtual tours of the facilities, where students can visualize the spaces and how they have been modified to comply with the healthy distance measures, online sessions with their teachers can see them in the classrooms. “The more opportunities your child has to be exposed to school, the less strange and scary it will be,” says Dr. Gewirtz.

Another way to gradually expose them to socializing and living together in person is to start walking to school every day. Whether walking, driving, or bus, re-familiarization with the route can help reassure them. Establishing a routine will help keep the return to life out of quarantine and not so dramatic as a routine helps them feel like they have a structure and a schedule.

“The more opportunities your child has to be exposed to school, the less strange and scary it will be.”

At home, activities as simple as putting on a school uniform, even if they will have classes online, can go a long way, even making them lunch and putting it in their lunch boxes. The important thing is to show them, as much as possible, what a school day will be like under the “new normal” to reduce their separation anxiety and fear of returning to the classroom.

Part of the anxiety problem that many children suffer from is that they are very perceptive, so if they see their parents stressed by the news, they may also pick up on it and be concerned, even if their family limits their access to the news. They sense stress through the adults they live with every day; this can result in them feeling even more anxious and seeking to become more attached to their parents and family, seeking reassurance.

Couples need to discuss how to communicate with their children and what kind of message they want to convey. Be on the same page about the safety measures that you are going to follow as a family, about the importance of taking care of yourself, and how to deal with the fear and anxiety that you may feel so that you do not transmit it to your children without realizing it. For example, suppose they notice that other people outside the circle they have been immersed during the quarantine make them nervous or restless. In that case, it is a sign that it will be necessary to prepare them to see and live with other people again. Considering these factors will help prepare them for back to school, we cannot expect that they will be ready to return to face-to-face classes from one day to the next. The adults in the family must also be prepared to face the challenges of returning to the “new normal” and set the example of how to act if other people’s presence causes fear or anxiety.

Mark Reinecke, a clinical psychologist and clinical director of the San Francisco Bay Area Child Mind Institute, notes that “in ambiguous situations, young children turn to their parents for guidelines on how to respond. If the parent is confident and self-confident, the child will perceive it. Is the child’s anxiety modeled or kept at home without realizing it?”

How children learn to manage the pandemic from home is key to navigating their return to the “new normal.” Suppose parents don’t help them establish a routine and manage their attachment and separation anxiety from home. In that case, those children will only become more prone to stress and anxiety upon returning to school. The key is to prepare ahead of time.

Translation by Daniel Wetta.

Paulette Delgado

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This article from Observatory of the Institute for the Future of Education may be shared under the terms of the license CC BY-NC-SA 4.0